cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
