i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
