don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
