Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
