Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
