we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize