i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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