I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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