some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
