we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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