that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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