i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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