her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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