barbara walters just said penis...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize