I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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