Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
