I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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