And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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