You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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