I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm both gender and math confused
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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