everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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