omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
