We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
