cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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