Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize