My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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