I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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