Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
