He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
