He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
they're like a gay fantastic four
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
