can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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