There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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