You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
