I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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