so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
