A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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