My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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