The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
