It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize