We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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