good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
