I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
