someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
