If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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