should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
