I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
