Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
