paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
