I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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