last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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