PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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