You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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