just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
