i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
