how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
