Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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