you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
