I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
