No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
