Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Four minutes until I can fart!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
