dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
