Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
