You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
is wine microwaveable?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
