Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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