wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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