I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
