Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
