btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
