I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
