last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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