i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
