yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
