I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
