return my video game
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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