You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You took a bar mat shot.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize